Stop it

Something about our current show makes audiences groan. Not like groaning at a pun, but more like "oooooh, that could be interpreted as offensive by someone with no sense of humor" groaning. I don't know why people do it - some sort of status thing that lets us know they disapprove or think they should disapprove? Whatever it is, it is extremely annoying.

My castmate Brian had his last show last night (Wednesday). I am very sad to see him go, since he was the only remaining cast member who'd been here since I started. Now I'm the senior member of the cast, and I demand respect. Come on.

You Dropped Obama on Me

I just finished up a Sonic shoot in Kansas City. I came back yesterday (Friday) and had not originally planned to do my Second City shows that night, but earlier in the week we found out that members of Barack Obama's family, including his wife Michelle, were coming to the 8pm show, and that there was a chance that Barack himself would be there (though probably just for the second act).

Unfortunately, Barack didn't make it, but 6 members of his family were there and we got to meet them afterwards. They were all incredibly nice - and physically very attractive - people. Michelle Obama hugged all of us when she met us.

There's a phenomenon that happens whenever certain people come to the show and I start to listen to some of the things I say in the show from a different perspective. Like when my parents come, I suddenly think we have a lot of dirty things in the show. When an old-school alum comes, I think maybe our stuff isn't "Second City" enough (whatever that means). When one of my non-Second City peers comes, I think our show might be too "Second City" and maybe not edgy enough. When Barack Obama's family comes, I think, "Wow, we sure have a lot of Barack stuff in this show that could be interpreted in a variety of ways." And considering the fact that I at one point try to hire someone to kill Obama, I was pretty nervous last night. But I think in the end it all comes out in a positive light. Especially if that's what you're looking for.

An Open Letter

Dear Southwest Airlines,

Hello - remember me? Throughout my childhood I flew you from Dallas to El Paso to visit my grandparents. A lot of times I flew alone, sitting up front in the section where a couple of the seats faced backwards. When I went to college in Boston, I lamented the fact that I couldn't fly you there. These days, I occasionally have the opportunity to fly on you out of Midway in Chicago, and, Southwest, the love affair is over.

First of all, it's time to get over open-seating. Are you trying to tell me that your fares are lower (sometimes, by a little) because you don't have assigned seating? Come on. Do you really get pleasure out of seeing people lining up at the gate an hour before boarding, in hopes of being first in the "C" line and therefore getting first pick of the middle seats?

Your flight attendants can wear shorts in the summer and from time to time might crack a joke or two during the safetly instructions. I have no problem with that. You're one of the top companies in the country to work for. Don't you think your flight attendants would really be having fun if they didn't have to walk up and down the aisle looking for those last few remaining seats for the passengers scanning their eyes back and forth, looking for a place to sit? "Ma'am, is that seat taken? No? Sir! Sir! There's a seat right here - no, right back here sir, there's a seat for you here! Will everyone with a lap child please make sure their child is on their lap?" ...And so on.

If you're worried you won't stand out as an airline if you get rid of open seating, consider your unorthodox drink service, where you take orders and bring drinks on trays, rather than shoving an enormous, head-and-knee-knocking cart down the aisle. See? You're still very, very special.


Sincerely,
Someone who flies you only when she is forced to

TB or not TB

Oh, don't think I've forgotten about this. Some recent excerpts from CNN.com:

The globe-trotting tuberculosis patient who sparked an international public health incident in May said Friday that he was tricked into a federal quarantine.

Andrew Speaker, a 31-year-old Atlanta, Georgia, attorney, said he would have gladly gone into isolation if health officials had asked him to. Instead, he said they asked him to swing by a New York City hospital for testing after his European vacation, then posted armed guards outside his door.

He also noted that an early May CDC lab result -- from a test that looks for evidence of drug resistance in TB bacteria genes -- showed the less-dangerous TB.

If you seen "Live Free or Die Hard"...

...then you know that the real problem with the US military is that they can't take out a tractor trailer on a deserted highway from a fighter jet. From, like, 10 feet above it.